IT IS NOT ALL ONE WORLD

Along with apparently millions of other Americans, I watched the first two episodes of HERE COMES HONEY BOO-BOO on TLC (I think those letters stand for The Lunatic Channel) the other night. I couldn't help myself. It was a human train wreck of epic proportions that had to be seen to be believed.

This program is essentially white trash on steroids. The star, six-year-old Alana (aka "Honey Boo-Boo") is a fat little redneck dumpling who competes in toddler beauty pageants at the drop of a Confederate flag. She lives in very small town in the deep backwoods of Georgia with her mother, father and three sisters. Much to this family's credit, they do not live in a double-wide (which is about the only nice thing I can say about them). Their modest home does however, sit perilously close to a railroad and there doesn't appear to be a safety fence or sound barrier anywhere on the property. Loud and dangerous. How's that for a living environment?

Alana's father is a harried looking man nicknamed "Sugar Bear". He doesn't appear to have all of his teeth and he looks like he could use a good dose of hookworm medicine. He works seven days a week at an undisclosed job. He has to work that hard to pay for all of the beauty pageants that Alana competes in, along with other family expenses including a soon to arrive grand-baby by way of his  oldest, seventeen-year old daughter. There's no mention whatsoever of the father of this certain-to-be doomed child.

There are two other teen-age daughters, affectionately (and appropriately) nicknamed "Pumkin" and "Chubette". The mother of this unholy clutch of future brood mares is an enormous woman who (in one scene), tips the bathroom scales at over 300 lbs. She has multiple chins and an engorged throat (it's hideous) that recalls the villain Pouch (he could hide contraband within a specially designed pouch in his enormous neck/throat) that was in the old DICK TRACY comic strip.She appears to be an extreme couponer because their house is stockpiled with grocery and toiletry items in bulk. In addition, this mother-of-the-year candidly remarks that she had her first child when she was all of fifteen and had two kids by the time she was seventeen. She admits to dropping out of school and getting a GED (need help with the spelling of that?). Yep, she's 32-years-old and about to be a grandmother.

It gets worse. While dad works, the kids sleep in until mid-day or later then enjoy cheese balls for breakfast. The family goes shopping at the only auction on the planet that offers day-old bakery items and other food products that are about to go bad for sale. Really? A food auction? They're there to save money for the upcoming beauty pageant but they end up buying several boxes full of junk food.

In one episode, they attend the "redneck Olympics" and have the gall to complain about how other people are dressed. One daughter competes in a bobbing for pigs feet contest (the feet are in plastic tubs of dirty water).

In another episode, an etiquette teacher is called to the house to teach the girls proper manners (all of them fart continuously and the mother sneezes repeatedly on camera without covering her nose or mouth). The etiquette lesson fails.

Want more? Honey Boo Boo gets a pet pig named "Glitzy, she refers to a woman's vagina as a "biscuit" and is obsessed with winning the upcoming beauty pageant. 

Why watch this abomination? I can give no valid reason other than this.

I was most certainly not raised like this, nor were any of my family and friends. This is truly how some other people live and this kind of sick, sad, aberrant behavior is somehow endlessly fascinating to me because it is so far removed from my frame of reference and everyday reality.

And I thank my lucky stars for that.

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL?

I'm the first person to admit that the pulp novels of the 1930s and '40s are light years removed from any consideration as great literature. I'm also the first person to say: who the hell cares? They're a ton of fun to read and I love them unashamedly.

I've now read twelve of the first sixteen original pulp novels starring The Shadow. These novels, published by Street and Smith on a monthly basis, were originally published in 1931-1932. America was in the grip of the Great Depression and readers needed an escape from the grim reality of every day life, an escape that they found within the pages of these fast paced mystery novels.

In these early adventures, The Shadow is an extremely mysterious figure. No background is given, no motivation behind his war on crime, no secret identity, nothing. We know he exists and that he possesses a keen intellect and an unstoppable drive to smash crime but that's about it. Oh, he does have several agents who work for him and do his bidding without question. There are coded messages, letters written in disappearing ink, seemingly inescapable death-traps and lots of action. The Shadow, unlike Doc Savage (my other favorite pulp hero) has no qualms about taking the life of criminal scum and his twin .45 automatics regularly spit both flame and death.

Look not for Lamont Cranston and Margo Lane and "the power to cloud men's minds" in these novels. That stuff is from the radio program and hasn't been introduced in any of the novels I've read so far. To this point in the series, almost all of the action takes place in New York City (with one novel set in Chicago). The Shadow has his hands full on a local level fighting gangsters, arch-fiends and assorted killers and these early yarns lack the epic scale of globe trotting adventure, outrageous devices and super-villains that are to be found in the Doc Savage stories. At least, so far. As the series progresses, I'm sure the canvas on which the Shadow operated did indeed broaden in scope.

What have I read? Here's the list of titles: THE LIVING SHADOW, EYES OF THE SHADOW, THE SHADOW LAUGHS!, THE DEATH TOWER, THE GHOST MAKERS, HIDDEN DEATH and GANGDOM'S DOOM. These were all reprinted by Bantam Books in the late '60s/early '70s. Bantam had a great deal of success with the Doc Savage series which reprinted the Man of Bronze's pulp novels in paperback format and the publisher was hoping that lightning would strike twice with the Shadow series. Unfortunately, Bantam only published these seven titles before the reprint rights were purchased by the long-since defunct Pyramid Books.

The Pyramid titles I've read are: THE BLACK MASTER, MOBSMEN ON THE SPOT, HANDS IN THE DARK, DOUBLE Z and THE CRIME CULT. I have several more Pyramid titles to go and I'm sure I'll enjoy them all. One of the key design elements that makes these old paperbacks so visually appealing are the terrific covers by Marvel Comics artist extraordinaire Jim Steranko. Steranko made NICK FURY, AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D. the best spy comic book series of the 1960s and he works his magic on these Shadow covers.

Oh, and when I say I've read all of these novels, I mean I've really read them, as in "reading aloud." I read a book aloud every night to my beloved wife Judy (aka Angel Harvey) while she prepares our dinner. When we've finished eating, I clean up the kitchen. That's our sharing of chores. She cooks, I read and clean up. We've done this for years and we've enjoyed many, many books this way, including all of the Shadow novels. You haven't lived until you've heard me do my Shadow "laugh", which I get to do aloud at least once in every one of these fun, quick reads.

Unfortunately, all of the above titles are long out-of-print, so if you're looking to read any of these Shadow thrillers, you'll need to hunt them down as used books. But they're worth the effort. Check them out and see if you don't agree that "the weed of crime bears bitter fruit."

TOP TEN?

Recently, SIGHT AND SOUND magazine, published by the British Film Institute, released their updated list of the top ten motion pictures of all time. This list has made headlines by placing VERTIGO over CITIZEN KANE as the number one pick. KANE had long ranked at the top of the list and it's unseating by Hitchcock's masterpiece is a bit of a surprise. Here's a look at the list, along with my comments.

1. VERTIGO: No question about it, if not the absolute best film of all time, VERTIGO is Alfred Hitchcock's best film, a bonafide masterpiece which certainly belongs in the top ten of any list.

2. CITIZEN KANE: It's been over 70 years since this groundbreaking film was first released and to this day, there's still never been any other film quite like it. Revolutionary, visionary, influential, breathtaking, dazzling and unique are just some of the words to describe Orson Welles' magnificent debut. Top ten? You bet.

3. TOKYO STORY: Okay, I must confess, I haven't seen this film but I'm sure it's a good one if it made the list.

4. THE RULES OF THE GAME: Um, sorry, I haven't seen this film either but I know it has a reputation for greatness.

5. SUNRISE: And that's strike three for this movie watcher. Never seen it but I'd like to.

6. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY: Yes, seen it many times. A terrific film and well deserving of a place in the top ten. Brilliant film making by Stanley Kubrick.

7. THE SEARCHERS: I've seen this highly regarded John Ford western but (get a rope), I don't think it's his best film. That honor, in my opinion, belongs to THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE, which I've seen many times.

8. MAN WITH A MOVIE CAMERA: Haven't seen it.

9. THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC: Ditto

10. 8 1/2: Seen it. Didn't care for it.

Okay, so let's throw out the films I haven't seen, didn't like or prefer a different film by the same director. That leaves us with VERTIGO, CITIZEN KANE, 2001 and THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE. That's only four films for our hypothetical Frank's Top Ten list.

What to include to fill out the roster? Well, how about LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, THE GODFATHER, CASABLANCA and GONE WITH THE WIND? I've seen all of these films many, many times and they are all incredibly durable films that have well stood the test of time. Each of these films provide a rich and rewarding viewing experience every time I watch one of them.

So there's eight films. What about the last two picks? Keep in mind that I can give you two extremely valid and well considered choices today and another two picks tomorrow and another two the day after that and so on. So, for right now, let's go with METROPOLIS and SUNSET BLVD.

There you have it. My totally subjective list of top ten films that everyone should see. They're classics all and I guarantee they're all worth seeing again and again.

However, these aren't necessarily my personal all-time favorite films. That's a list and a subject of a blog post to come.

What about you? Do you agree with SIGHT AND SOUND's picks or do you want to tinker with the list as I did and come up with some other choices? Let's hear what you have to say.

TRIVIA QUESTION ANSWERS

Here are the answers to the Oscar trivia question posted a couple of days ago.

There have been a total of seven performers (three women, four men) to each appear in three Best Picture of the Year winners. Two of them, Diane Keaton (GODFATHER, GODFATHER PART II and ANNIE HALL) and Talia Shire (GODFATHER, GODFATHER PART II, ROCKY) have already been discussed here. The other five are:

Meryl Streep: THE DEER HUNTER, KRAMER VS. KRAMER, OUT OF AFRICA

Dustin Hoffman: MIDNIGHT COWBOY, KRAMER VS. KRAMER, RAIN MAN

Jack Nicholson: ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, TERMS OF ENDEARMENT, THE DEPARTED

Clark Gable: IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT, MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY, GONE WITH THE WIND

Morgan Freeman: DRIVING MISS DAISY, UNFORGIVEN, MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Remember, these actors may have received Oscar nominations for their work in other films and they may have appeared in films that were Best Picture nominees but which didn't win the Oscar.

Unless I'm totally off of my game (which is always possible), I can't find any other performers (male or female) who have appeared in more than three Best Picture winners in their career. Am I missing someone? Let me know if I am.

THIS GUY'S A REAL DICK

After seeing TOTAL RECALL the other day, I got to thinking about the books I've read by American science fiction author Philip K. Dick. Both film versions of TOTAL RECALL were very loosely based on a Dick short story, "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale." Both films have almost nothing in common with the original story, other than the conceit of a company with the technology to implant false memories and experiences into a subjects' consciousness. The story, unlike the films, is more of a cerebral meditation on the effects of this technology upon humans and the subjective perceptions of memory and reality. The films are action all the way. Dick was many things, but he was not a writer of great action scenes.

I would argue that he was perhaps the most non-action writer of the 20th century. Here's my summary of every Dick novel I've ever read (more details to follow): nothing happens and then it stops. 

I dimly recall reading two Dick novels in college, THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH and A SCANNER DARKLY. I didn't like the first one of these I read (whichever one it was), so I have no idea why I read a second book by Dick. Maybe I figured I should give him a second chance. I was equally disappointed by the second book and decided this guy's work just wasn't for me.

About ten years ago, I decided to give him another try and read two of his most famous, widely celebrated novels. I read DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? (which was the basis for BLADE RUNNER, a film I really like). The book was okay up to a point but the ending, or should I say non-ending, was abrupt and left me unsatisfied. Oh well, let's try this one more time.

I next read THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE, Dick's award-winning novel of an alternate history in which the Axis powers won WWII and the U.S. is controlled by Imperial Japan on the west coast, Nazi Germany on the east, with a no-man's land in-between. On paper, that's a great concept and there's much that can be done with it. Dick does nothing with it however. Nothing happens for page after page and when we finally meet the titular "man in the high castle" late in the story, nothing happens then either. And then the nothing happening stops happening. Period. End of story.

I don't want a happy ending in every book I read or film I see but I do want an ending and hopefully at least a satisfying one. Dick doesn't provide this, at least in the books I've read. The narrative simply stops running and that's it. Go home kids. The show's over.

By accounts that I've read, Philip K. Dick struggled with drug addiction throughout his life and may have suffered from some form of mental illness. He is reported to have experienced an epiphany of sorts, a near religious experience in which the true nature of reality was suddenly revealed to him in its' totality. This vision supposedly informed his work for the rest of his life.

Maybe I'm missing something but I've been completely underwhelmed by everything I've read by Dick thus far. Is there a book by him that someone out there can recommend that might make me change my mind? I'm willing to consider it but it's going to have to be a very persuasive argument. Who wants to make the case?

OOPS!

Okay, I admit it, I made a mistake in my last post. You know, the one with the Oscar trivia question.

Yes, I forgot that both Diane Keaton and Talia Shire had each appeared in three Best Picture of the Year winners. That was stupid because I had previously asked that exact question in a post! D'oh!

So, let's rephrase my last question a little bit. Not counting Keaton and Shire, there are still five other performers who have each appeared in three Best Pictures of the Year. And, just to prove that I suck at math, there are only fourteen films involved here, not fifteen as I originally stated. Two of the performers appear together in one of the films.

So, can anyone name these five performers (one woman, four men) and the fourteen Best Pictures of the Year that they have appeared in?

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue.

OSCAR TRIVIA ANSWER AND ANOTHER QUESTION

Our prior Oscar trivia question asked: prior to 2011's THE ARTIST, what was the last Best Picture of the Year winner to be filmed in black and white and, also prior to THE ARTIST, what was the last silent Best Picture of the Year?

The answers: SCHINDLER'S LIST was the last Best Picture of the Year winner to be filmed in black and white while the last silent Best Picture of the Year was also the first Best Picture winner, WINGS (1927). If you think you don't like silent films, you need to see WINGS. Parts of it were shot in and around the air force bases in San Antonio. This WWI epic features terrific dogfights and aerial photography along with a doomed lovers storyline that is guaranteed to bring a tear to your eye at the end of the film. If you're not moved by this film, you've got a lump of anthracite where your heart should be. Highest recommendation.

Now, for our next question. In the history of the Academy Awards only five performers (one woman, four men) have each appeared in a total of three Best Pictures of the Year. No one else has appeared in more Best Picture winners. These actors didn't necessarily win an Oscar for their performances in these films (although most did) but they do appear in three Best Pictures each. And they're all different films. That's five performers and fifteen films. Name 'em.