WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?

I watched WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF? (1966) for the first time this afternoon. While watching it, my beautiful wife Judy came into the room, saw what I was watching and said, "despicable people, despicable behavior, and nothing happens."

She was right.

That's really my review of the film in a nutshell. Despite being nominated for a mind-boggling 13 Academy Awards (and winning five), WHO'S AFRAID may be the worst big studio/mainstream film I've seen so far this year. This is what I get for trying to broaden my cinematic horizons and change up my usual movie fare of B movies and genre films. I'll take the worst of those any day over this disgusting waste of time.

And it's not that I'm offended by the rampant vulgarity on display in the film. What was shocking in 1966 (lots of god damns, son-of-a-bitch, bastard, screw you, up yours, monkey nipples and hump the hostess are uttered throughout) is pretty tame in 2020.

No, the utter pointlessness of the whole affair, the waste of talent both in front of and behind the camera, is what gets my goat. Who were the decision makers at Warner Brothers in 1966 that thought this film had any commercial potential whatsoever? Despite the presence of top-billed Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, George Segal, and horse face Sandy Dennis (I swear, with those buck teeth, she could eat an apple through a picket fence), as the entire cast, ace cinematographer Haskell Wexler behind the camera and the very talented Mike Nichols making his feature film directorial debut, WHO'S AFRAID is 132 minutes of unrelieved cinematic agony.

Thankfully, director Nichols redeemed himself with his next film, the certified classic masterpiece THE GRADUATE (1967). Unfortunately, when Wexler got the chance to direct his first film, he delivered another next to unwatchable hot mess of a film in the then X-rated MEDIUM COOL (1969). 

Yes, Taylor is quite good as the harpy Martha, playing strongly against type as the vicious shrew of college professor George (Burton). But really, Richard Burton playing a drunk? Gee, who would have thought it. 

The action (such as it is), strains credulity. The film begins with the end of a faculty party at a small eastern college at 2:00 a.m.. George and Martha, already clearly in their cups, stagger home under the opening credits and begin drinking once they're inside. The verbal barbs start flying when Martha tells George they are having guests, the young couple of biology professor Nick (Segal) and his mousy wife, Honey (Dennis). The four indulge in more drinking and savage bon mots, stuff about hysterical pregnancies, an is-he-real-or-is-he-not son for George and Martha, father issues, a rejected novel about a young man who kills his parents that be more memoir than fiction, and other assorted sordid stuff.

At one point, the four drive off to take Nick and Honey home only to end up at an inexplicably still open roadhouse, devoid of customers, where a drunken dance party ensues. By now, it's got to be at least three in the morning, maybe later. What bar is still open and serving drinks at that hour, and especially to just four clearly inebriated customers?

The four return to George and Martha's house where it's strongly suggested that Nick and Martha make love. Finally, with dawn breaking, the shit hits the fan with the story of the mysterious offspring mentioned earlier. 

And that, folks, is it. The End. 

What in the name of the wide world of sports is any of this supposed to mean? It's not funny, and the overwrought "dramatic" dialogue wore me out (c'mon, nobody really talks like that, especially after consuming that much booze). It's a wonder that these people can drink until dawn and still remain upright and reasonably coherent. 

 Yes, WHO'S AFRAID earned 13 Academy Award nominations including: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress (Taylor, winner), Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress (Dennis, winner), Best Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium, Best Black and White Art Direction (winner), Best Black and White Cinematography (Wexler, winner), Best Black and White Costume Design (winner), Best Film Editing, Best Original Music Score, and Best Sound. 

 I defy anyone to sit through this film and tell me that they like it. It may be well made, it may have cost a lot of money, it may have garnered multiple award nominations  but in the end this mess is as much Faulkner as it is Edward Albee. It is truly full of sound and fury signifying nothing. 

Cross against the light to avoid this one.