THE STEEL TSAR OR, IF YOU'VE SEEN JUAN, YOU'VE SEEN AMAHL

There's a bad old joke about a mother who has identical twin sons named Juan and Amahl. She only has a photo of Juan. When asked why she doesn't have a photo of her other son, she replies, "if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

That's the way I felt after I finished reading THE STEEL TSAR by Michael Moorcock the other day. This third and final novel in the Nomad of the Time Streams trilogy is remarkably similar to the other two entries in the series, THE WARLORD OF THE AIR and THE LAND LEVIATHAN. In TSAR, our time-tossed hero Oswald Bastable once again finds himself in an alternate timeline. The year is 1941 and World War II has just begun. But here the global conflict is waged between the last two remaining imperial powers of this timeline: Russia and Japan. This time, it's an atomic bombing of Hiroshima (similar to the one that occurred at the end of WARLORD OF THE AIR) that precipitates the conflict.

Once again, the first part of the book is given over to Bastables' adventures in this brave new world in which he's eventually captured by the Japanese before finding himself in the Russian Imperial Air Corps, where he serves aboard an airship. We're finally introduced to the titular Steel Tsar about midway through the book. He may or may not be this world's Josef Stalin but whoever he really is, he's a cut-rate Dr. Doom like figure as he wears an iron mask that hides his true visage. The Tsar's aim is to incite civil war in Russia leading his cossacks (and a gigantic mechanical man) against the might of the Russian government's aerial forces. Oh, and the Tsar also plans to drop an atomic weapon of his own on a heavily populated Russian city.

Bastable is once again aided by the mysterious Una Persson (she appears in all three novels) and it's in the final part of the book that Bastable learns about the League of Temporal Adventurers (which sounds a helluva lot more swashbuckling than Moorcock portrays them). Persson, along with the mysterious albino wizard Von Bek (who also appeared in WARLORD OF THE AIR and appears to be an incarnation of Moorcock's eternal warrior hero Elric) and Cornelius Dempsey (also an iteration of Moorcock's eternal character Jerry Cornelius) recruit Bastable into the League, a fate which he willingly accepts. The book ends with Bastable and his new colleagues somewhere in time.

Imperial powers. Airships. A titular anti-hero character who doesn't appear until midway through the book (O.T. Shaw in THE WARLORD OF THE AIR, the Black Attila in LAND LEVIATHAN and the Steel Tsar here). Airships. Discussions about the pros and cons of various political philosophies. A mad attack thwarted at the last minute. Airships. Endings that leave Bastable in yet another timeline. Did I mention airships? All three of these novels contain all of these elements in almost exactly the same measures. I'm glad I didn't read them all back to back or the overwhelming sense of sameness may have been too much to take.

Bottom line: I'm glad to have read the series. I've long wanted to sample some of Moorcock's more accessible works and this neat, short (in terms of page count) trilogy was just the right thing to start with. However, I was not blown away by the series and it will probably be awhile before I read anymore Moorcock but if you like science fiction novels about alternate time lines (with lots and lots of airships), you might want to try the A Nomad of the Time Streams trilogy. Start with WARLORD OF THE AIR and if you like it, read the other two books.

 If not, well, if you've seen Juan....

 
 

SAGA (NO, NOT THE MEN'S ADVENTURE MAGAZINE)

Twenty some odd years ago I took a stand up comedy class. Over the course of six weeks, we were tasked with writing five minutes worth of original material that we would then perform onstage in front of a large audience at a local comedy club. Some of us (like myself) worked hard at this task, while others didn't pay any attention to our teacher's instructions and bombed miserably once they were onstage and in front of a live audience. One of the things that our teacher, Sam Cox (who at the time was a regular writer for Jay Leno) told us about writing and performing comedy was this bon mot which I've never forgotten: "Don't do blue. It's cheap, easy and a lazy way to do comedy."

I bring this up because I was reminded of Sam's sage advice while reading the trade paperback of SAGA VOLUME ONE yesterday. This highly acclaimed new Image Comics series is by creators Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples. The first volume introduces the two main characters (a hot alien babe with green wings and an alien dude with pointed ears and ram horns). The woman gives birth to their mixed-race daughter at the beginning of the story and the new young family sets out to escape from the planet they're on. Turns out their respective alien races are at war with each other and the fact that two members of these races have hooked up and procreated has caused all sorts of trouble.

The story moves along at a fast clip with the baby Hazel narrating these past events (so we know she survives this ordeal). The leads are sympathetic and likable, the supporting players (good guys and bad) are striking and colorful, the humor works and the action and violence is graphic and slightly over the top. Fiona Staples artwork is very good. All in all, I liked SAGA even if this first volume ends on a cliffhanger.

What I didn't like about SAGA was the language that writer Vaughan has his characters using throughout the book. I'm no prude and this book is clearly labeled as not for young audiences but I have to wonder if members of alien races would really use such words as "shit", "crap", "cunt", "assholes", "bullshit", etc.

When characters go "blue"in SAGA (which happens quite often) it pulls me out of the story because it sounds like characters on earth in the year 2013 speaking, not aliens on distant planets. Add to this the presence of the ghost of a young girl who looks, dresses and talks like a contemporary teenager and the result is a severe disruption of my willing suspension of disbelief. Dialogue like this is jarring and disconcerting in a story of this type. It would be entirely acceptable in a gritty urban crime novel set in the here and now but coming from the mouths of aliens?

It's just "blue" and it's just lazy.

MY FAMOUS MONSTERS 52

A nice portrait of the fly-headed monstrosity from THE FLY (1958) adorns the cover of FAMOUS MONSTERS #104. This cover is a vast improvement from the previous one featured in this series. Features in this issue include Son of Psycho (article about Robert Bloch since there were no PSYCHO sequels at this time), FRANKENSTEIN 1973 (a play on the title of the film FRANKENSTEIN 1970) the E.C horror comics omnibus film THE VAULT OF HORROR and the snake themed horror film S-S-S-S-S-S-S! (you don't say the title of this film, you hiss it!)

MY FAMOUS MONSTERS 51

To celebrate the milestone 100th issue of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND, someone (Forry? Jim Warren?) decided to jettison one of the greatest magazine logos ever designed and replace it with this Ringling Brothers/Barnum and Bailey circus poster style monstrosity. Really? Seriously? What did they think they were selling? FAMOUS MONSTERS OF CIRCUS WORLD?

100 issues. 100 covers. This one is hands down the absolute worst of those first landmark 100 issues. Even with the nice Karloff as the Frankenstein Monster painting, this cover sucks.

THE SECRET LIVES OF MARRIED WOMEN

THE SECRET LIVES OF MARRIED WOMEN by Elissa Wald was recently published by Hard Case Crime, one of my favorite publishers. It's clearly meant to cash in on the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY bandwagon. FIFTY SHADES, the mega-bestseller S&M trilogy by E.L. James dominated the book selling charts in 2012 and spawned many imitations. I haven't read FIFTY SHADES (and have no desire to do so) but I suspect that SECRET LIVES is the better crafted work.

It barely qualifies as a crime novel however. There is a murder and an unrelated criminal trial but the story is really a psychological study of twin sisters and their "secret lives". The book is divided into two story lines. In the first, Leda, a married mother, is stalked by a construction worker from the work site next door. He recognizes her as having starred in a soft core S&M porn film from years earlier, a fact that Leda's husband, Russian immigrant Stas, is unaware of. When push comes to shove Leda reveals everything to Stas who says he'll take care of the situation. The worker, Jack, disappears which leads to a police investigation that causes Leda to suspect her husband may be a killer.

The second story focuses on Lillian, Leda's sister, who is a successful defense lawyer in New York City. Her latest client is a blind man accused of municipal fraud and corruption. His assistant, Nan, is a young lady with a checkered past having served in a convent before becoming a professional submissive at an S&M club. Lillian's husband, Darren, has a copy of Leda's porn film which causes Lillian to explore her own need to be in a sexually submissive relationship.

THE SECRET LIVES OF MARRIED WOMEN is more of a well-crafted character study of these two women and how their secrets intersect and change their respective lives and relationships with their husbands. There's one graphic sex scene near the end of the book but everything else is handled in a tasteful, matter-of-fact style. It's not a thriller by any stretch but it's an interesting read. If you have any curiosity about S&M skip FIFTY SHADES and read THE SECRET LIVES OF MARRIED WOMEN.

THE DOLL SQUAD

Here's the brutal, unvarnished truth. The best thing about THE DOLL SQUAD (1973) is the poster pictured above. You know it. I know it. It's a great image that would have been right at home on the cover of a '70s era men's sweat magazine or paperback novel. If it had been a comic book,. Wally Wood would have been a great choice as artist.

Instead, we got a film produced, directed and written by Ted V. Mikels, an auteur of low budget, exploitation films. Mr. Mikels has no one else to blame for how craptastic THE DOLL SQUAD is. And trust me, having just watched the film this afternoon (recorded off of TCM), I know whereof I speak.

An unknown master criminal blows up a U.S. space probe at the start of the film (lots of stock footage used here). He sends threatening messages to a U.S. Senator and a CIA agent Anthony Eisley. They turn to the computer(!) to determine the best way to fight this menace and the computer supplies the answer: The Doll Squad.

Cue psychedelic credits and the beginning of an incessant disco/spy film musical score (composed by Nicholas Carras) that literally never stops playing throughout the rest of the film. Luscious redhead Sabrina (Francine York) leads the squad which is composed of such beautiful babes as Leigh Christian and cult icon Tura Satana. They soon determine that the mastermind is one of their own, a former agent named Eamon (played by the late Michael Ansara). The squad invades his island fortress and thwarts his plan to release bubonic plague carrying rats throughout the world.

The wardrobe of DOLL SQUAD consists of low cut blouses, hot pants, go-go boots, bell bottoms and bikinis. And that's just for the men (ba-dum-bum). When the squad goes into action on the island, they all change to their signature uniforms: green jumpsuits with white piping and white boots.

The budget for the film (reportedly $256,000) clearly didn't allow for the use of real pyrotechnics. This is an action film in which all of the explosions (and there are several) are optically super-imposed over the action. The budget apparently didn't cover the construction of sets as all of the scenes, both interior and exterior, appear to have been shot entirely on locations and in real homes and businesses.

The editing is atrocious. The print I watched may have some missing footage as there were several abrupt jump cuts. During the climactic assault on the island fortress, time and space are repeatedly fractured as we go from day to night to day and so on. The camera work, framing and overall cinematography has all of the visual panache of a driver's ed film.

 THE DOLL SQUAD was clearly targeted for undiscriminating audiences in rural drive-ins and urban grind houses. Mikels was far from a competent filmmaker but he sure knew how to sell the sizzle, not the steak. You bought your ticket to THE DOLL SQUAD for one reason and one reason only: to see a bunch of hot babes run around shooting bad guys and that's exactly what you get. 

WHAT I BOUGHT AT WIZARD WORLD: THE FINAL CHAPTER

While I was wandering the aisles of Wizard World Austin Comic Con I stumbled across the rather large booth of legendary comic book artist Neal Adams. There he sat, visiting with fans and simultaneously sketching. Surprisingly enough, there was not a large crowd around his booth and I took some time to look it over from one end to the other. Among the items for sale were a number of prints by Adams, some recreations of classic comic book and magazine covers, while others were portraits of the super-heroes (DC and Marvel) that he has drawn over the years. The prints were selling for twenty bucks and I knew that a signed Neal Adams art print was something I absolutely had to have.


 

The first comic book with Neal Adams artwork (both cover and interior) that I bought was BRAVE AND THE BOLD #79. I was only vaguely aware of the Deadman character (I'd seen ads for his appearances in STRANGE ADVENTURES but I'd never sampled the series) but I sure knew who Batman was and this cover really reached out and grabbed me. I loved it and made a point to start buying B&B on a regular basis, especially if the same artist (I didn't know Adams name at the time) drew it.



 I kept buying B&B on a regular basis and Adams work continued to knock me out. Then came BRAVE AND BOLD #85 with a new look and character redesign of Green Arrow and a political assassination story ripped from the headlines (as the saying goes). I absolutely freaking loved this comic and to this day, B&B #85 remains in my personal top ten comic books of all time. 



And I vividly recall buying X-MEN #56 off of the stands and seeing on the splash page this blurb:  "And introducing the penciling wizardry of Neal Adams". At last, I had a full name to go with this incredible artist. I was more hooked than ever before.

Neal Adams quickly became one of my all-time favorite comic book artists and the number of great books he drew are legion. I have many, many fond memories of buying and reading Adams illustrated books brand new off of the spinner racks and being completely spellbound and overwhelmed by the power of his art.

So there I stood in front of this man whose art meant so much to me. I purchased the Superman print that adorns this blog, an image from ACTION COMICS #419. I had him sign it and inscribe it to me. I shook hands with the gentleman and then I became a twelve-year old kid. I started babbling, literally babbling, about how great his art was and how much it meant to me and how it blew my mind the first time I saw it.

Adams, with great and deliberate patience (as I'm sure he's heard such rants many, many times over), simply smiled at me and said, in a conspiratorial tone, "it was my job to blow your mind."

You did your job well Mr. Adams. Very well. Many thanks for the memories and for an unforgettable encounter that brought out the exuberant fanboy in me.